| Quote |
Rating |
| Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... (Carl Zwanzig) |
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| Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. (W. C. Fields) |
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| There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. (Douglas Adams) |
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| My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. (Steven Wright) |
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| I am at two with nature. (Woody Allen) |
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| I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. (Shirley Temple) |
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| I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name. (Paula Poundstone) |
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| J.F.K.--The Man and the Airport (Unknown) |
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| If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. (Doug Larson) |
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| If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. (Tom Stoppard) |
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| My Karma ran over your dogma. (Unknown) |
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| If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? (Steven Wright) |
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| The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. (Dudley Moore) |
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| I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. (Steven Wright) |
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| There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. (Robert Byrne) |
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| I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. (Steven Wright) |
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| Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?' (Steven Wright) |
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| The world is my lobster. (Henry J. Tillman) |
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| I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. (Woody Allen) |
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| Things are only impossible until they're not. (Jean-Luc Picard) |
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| There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. (Peter Sellers) |
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| Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. (Woody Allen) |
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| It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. (Woody Allen Without Feathers 1976) |
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